I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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