I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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