We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
