rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
