It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
