tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
