i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
