is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
