Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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