Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
