You're my little dorito
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
