My nipple is on Facebook.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
