Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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