u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Ladies don't puke and tell
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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