yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
