this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
