I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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