I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
