You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
