You don't have asthma, your pregnant
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
