He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
