even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
