Jerry, you need to find god
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
