It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
