my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
