another moral hangover. fuck.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
