her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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