I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
