I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
