Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
