When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
