so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
