it was like eating out sand paper
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
