Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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