Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i think my cat just said my name.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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