Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
