i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
