You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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