Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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