Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
