What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
