some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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