All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
