You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
