What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
