I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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