am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
