it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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