I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
