It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
