Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
