so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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