I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I need to calm my uterus...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
