...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
